


How To Steal A Pilot

by bigredbutton



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Dubious Consent, Kidnapping, Legolas and Thranduil aren't related, Lord of the Rings In SPACE, M/M, Thranduil is a spaceship, fea-ships, soul-ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:59:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7500354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigredbutton/pseuds/bigredbutton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legolas thinks he's stealing a simple, normal spaceship.  Thranduil's tired of being alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've taken Middle-earth and put it in space. Legolas is a elf still, and Thranduil is a fea-ship, a living spaceship who has the fea of a dead elf inside. Both are immortal.

It started with Thranduil stealing a pilot.

Not that the little elf knew he was being stolen, but Thranduil had been searching for one with the right characteristics for simply _ages_ and he wasn’t going to let a little thing like that stop him from taking advantage of the opportunity that presented itself.

The little elf – Legolas, if he had decrypted the name on the transmissions correctly – dashed through the space port, exhibiting admirable agility and speed as he attempted to out run the orcs chasing after him. 

Thranduil didn’t know exactly why his little elf had chosen to venture into enemy territory, as his current mission had been conveyed orally person to person in a room with no video feed to hack into. 

Still, it had been easy enough to follow his elf into enemy territory, track him through the space port’s security cameras, and then finally place himself in a conveniently accessible landing pad in his future pilot’s path and strive to look like a ship whose pilot had stepped out for a couple minutes and stupidly left the loading down.

The elf had barely even hesitated a second as his eye lit on the empty spaceship with its ramp down before he was scampering up into the ship. Thranduil helpfully flashed the light on the door mechanism switch as the orcs started to shoot bolts from their energy weapons at them, and then lit up the pathway to the control center of the ship when the panting elf managed to stammer out, “Bridge?” 

Best not to give away the game to quickly, as Thranduil had camouflaged himself as a simple, slightly out of date Currier vessel. Stereotypically stupid, helpful, and above all _fast_ , as a Currier Thranduil would have seemed like a gift from the Valar themselves the very second he came into view.

He’d have to play stupid and keep the disguise up for a while longer, until they reached a suitably isolated area of space in order to make sure his pilot couldn’t escape before the pilot-ship link was in place, but Thranduil could be patient. 

Somewhat. 

And until then, Thranduil would simply make himself so useful and indispensable to his naive little pilot so that when Thranduil’s true status was revealed, Legolas would already be so rightly attached and enamored with the ship that he would jump at the chance to link with the ship.

Luckily for the both of them, Legolas seemed unfamiliar with the outfit and abilities of a typical Currier ship of the era Thranduil was impersonating, as he was shouting for Thranduil to raise the shields and prepare for lift off even as he followed the lighted path in the direction of the bridge. 

If he stayed true to the model, Thranduil wouldn’t be able to follow voice commands or even have shields to raise, but if Legolas’s lack of knowledge made his own job easier – and safer – Thranduil was perfectly willing to take advantage of that and display more advanced abilities. 

His engines hummed eagerly to life as his shields crackled comfortingly along his hull, easily deflecting the energy bolts the orcs were directing at the body of the ship now that they no longer had the elf as their target.

Stupid orcs, as if their puny little pea-shooters even had a chance.

Legolas landed hard in the pilot’s seat - not noticing how the chair flexed and morphed slightly to better fit his form - and yanked harshly on the controls in his haste to get them air born. 

Well, even if he was playing a Currier ship with more brawn than brains, behavior like that could not be allowed to pass without remark. He was a finely calibrated ship with delicate controls, and he did _not_ like being yanked around like a garbage scow. Thranduil growled his displeasure, engine noise jumping up from the low hum before quieting back down disgruntled grumble. He couldn’t give his pilot the stern scolding such handling deserved, though, not while still trying to pass as a humble, meek little Currier ship who had just been stolen. 

He could, however, make the resulting jolt upward as uncomfortable as possible, as his atmospheric thrusters overcame the pull of gravity and easily lifted them a couple hundred meters into the air in a matter of seconds, nearly making his pilot fall out of his seat at the sudden lurch of motion.

Thranduil _could_ have used his internal stabilizers to reduce the jolt… But, well, it served him right, Thranduil’s controls were sensitive to start with, to say nothing how sensitive they were now after so long without a pilot.

At least his pilot seemed appropriately apologetic as he exclaimed, “Sorry-Sorry! I didn’t expect the controls to be so responsive!” and patted the controls apologetically.

As pleased as Thranduil was to have his Chosen finally in the pilot’s seat, he wasn’t particularly in a forgiving mood – his controls still ached acutely from the abuse – and instead said, “That _hurt_. Who are you? You are not the one I flew in with. Why were those nasty orcs shooting at us?” Thranduil pitched his voice softer, and spoke in the slightly hesitant tones that would be expected of a meek little Currier ship who had just been stolen from a planet while under fire.

His pilot swore under his breath and caressed his flight controls in a soothing manner as he maneuvered them safely into orbit. “I’m sorry, I was just anxious to get away, and I didn’t think your controls would be so sensitive – The ships I’ve been handling lately aren’t nearly so responsive to their controls.” 

_That_ Thranduil could attest to. Having to stealthily follow his chosen pilot around and watch him fly those buckets of rust until he'd confirmed his choice and this opportunity came up had been maddening. 

Not only had _his_ elf been handling other ships, but they hadn’t even been good ones. Really, Thranduil had showed remarkable restraint in simply not forcibly boarding and absconding with his pilot the first time one of those monstrosities had broken down in the middle of the space lane. He’d even had to tow one of the damned things to a space station once when his elf had had to sent a distress beacon out. All under disguise, of course, but he’d still done it.

_Him_. Like he was some spaceport draft-ship. 

If he'd taken the opportunity to get all of his elf’s access codes, record logs, flight path information, and as well as anything else that the fëa-ship had found even remotely interesting in his future pilot’s personal data banks, well... Legolas should have had better encryption on it if he didn't want others to view it as an invitation and help themselves to it.

He could think of it as payment for Thranduil not simply kidnapping the elf right then and there.

After he made sure his voice modules were still modified to come across as hesitant and worried, he said, “Were those orcs after my pilot, do we need to go get him?” What excuse would his pilot make up for having absconding with him?

Thranduil felt his pilot’s hands freeze on the controls for a few seconds before they relaxed as he finally said, “Your, uh, pilot got a message. From his family. There was a family emergency? I think. Yeah, a family emergency. With the orcs. He asked me to make sure you were all right, and then get you to safety. Sorry.”

His pilot was as bad a liar to a ship as he was to other bags of flesh. At least it was endearing. Thranduil, at least, could make up from his pilot’s lack of skill at deception. 

The ship felt a frisson of pleasure at the thought, and his engines hummed a happy note before he could stop them. They were _so_ well matched. Luckily, Legolas took the noise as a worried-sound, rather than a happy-sound. “He’s okay though, don’t worry.”

Thranduil once again thanked the Valar that he was impersonating a very _dumb_ ship, as he could accept and pretend to believe any lie that his pilot told him. At least until he revealed himself and taught his pilot the consequences of trying to lie to him. 

That would certainly be an _enjoyable_ experience. His pilot was such a pretty, headstrong little thing, he couldn’t wait until he could give his elf a more, how should he put it, _hands on_ experience with some of his more advanced holo-projector capabilities. For now, though, he simply said, with what Thranduil felt was an admirable amount of confused meekness, “An emergency? How distressing. But he’s alright, are you sure? Maybe we should go get him. He could be in danger.” 

“ _No!_ No, I mean… He’s not on the planet anymore. He had to go to… the Grey Havens! That’s were his family was, he had to get off planet, but the orcs blocked his way to you, so he made his own way off planet, and told me to take care of you.” Legolas paused guiltily, then tried to change the topic, "I'm Legolas, by the way..." and trailed off expectantly, non-verbally asking for Thranduil's name in return.

Right. Like Thranduil would make if easy for the elf after he'd mauled the controls. “He left me?” Thranduil queried in a heartbroken manner, shamming the appropriate amount of shock, sadness, and anxiety.

Legolas’s handed were a gentle, comforting caress on his controls as he said, “No-no, he didn’t leave you – He just gave you to me, for a little while... maybe a long while. He said he’d contact me when he needed you.”

Oh, _wow_ his pilot might just be one of the worst liars Thranduil had ever come across. No wonder Legolas avoided situations where he would have to lie outright. He was absolutely abysmal at it. “And when will that be?” Thranduil demanded, somehow managing to sound plaintive. 

“He didn’t know. A while though, and until he does, he said that you should listen to me, in exchange for me taking care of you and keeping you safe.” 

Thranduil refrained from voicing all the ways his pilot could _take care of him_ so to speak, although it was a near thing. Instead he said suspiciously, “But I don’t even know you. Are you sure this is what my pilot wanted?”

The hands on his controls tightened in a scolding manner as Legolas said, “Don’t be defiant...” Thranduil heard his pilot pause expectantly.

“Thranduil is my designation,” the ship said, striving to keep his irritation out of his audible voice. _Helpful Currier ship, remember? Dumb, helpful Currier ship_ , Thranduil reminded himself. “This is all just so strange!”

“Thranduil, that’s right, your pilot told me that, but in the chaos with the orcs I just forgot for a second! I know this is strange, but you can think of me as your new pilot. We will be working together for a while, and be in some dangerous situations. It’s important that we work as a team to make sure that we out safely.” Legolas paused, then added, sounding a little guilty, “It’s important that you listen to me, in order to get everything your pilot needs.”

His elf was just so cute when he was trying to be sneaky. Really, it was hard to stay annoyed at his pilot. Especially when he was using those nimble hands of his to caress the controls so very, _very_ nicely. His engines let out a purr at the treatment and then settled into a contented hum. Thranduil had his pilot, afterall. The ship could afford to forgive him a few slip ups. He'd learn. "Where are we going to first then?" He made the controls thrum softly underneath his pilot's hands.

Legolas sounded relieved as he replied, “The Southern Mirkwood Cluster, bordering the Rohan nebula.”

Ah. A spying mission then. How _exciting_. More opportunities to show off and impress his new pilot. 

“Set the warp engines to these coordinates, and try to set yourself behind an active star – we need to be stealthy and stay under any enemy sensors.”

“Oh! I am very stealthy, Legolas! I have all the latest dampeners and jamming devices!” Let his pilot make his own conclusions as to what his new ship’s former occupation was. Thranduil added, hesitating as if he were afraid of having overstepped, “It is okay that I call you that? If we are to be working together?”

“Oh, that is acceptable, Thranduil. I think we are going to work very well together! All the latest dampers you say? That will do very well, indeed.”

Legolas sounded positively gleeful.

“Path to Southern Mirkwood Cluster plotted, I have us coming out just behind a neutron star.”

“Very good,” Legolas accompanied his praise with a gentle caress as he engaged the warp engines. “How about a tour while we wait?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wargs attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Although I doubt anyone's read this chapter without reading the first one again, as its been a heck of a long time since I posted the first one, in case you did the first chapter has been edited and changed a bit.

Thranduil’s shields shuddered, heat leaking through to his hull as the pursuing ships - Warg Fighters - swarmed after him and fired at him, a few of them breaking off to try to herd him away from the protection the neutron star offered.

“Can we get any closer to the neutron star?” Legolas asked, then swore and the hands on his controls tightened as a Warg got too close and nearly clipped a wing. “We can’t let them herd us away!” Legolas spun him around, corkscrewing around the Warg ship tightly, mere inches from the hull of the other ship. 

The Warg flashed it’s engines threateningly at Thranduil, and in response the ship took the opportunity to send a bolt of energy arcing toward it. “Quite a bit closer,” Thranduil said smugly as his sensors showed the Warg ship over-correcting its course and getting caught in the gravity of the star. 

Legolas swallowed audibly when Thranduil showed him the visual of the Warg breaking apart under the intense gravity of the neutron star. “Let’s not get too close, we don’t want to end up like that Warg did.”

“I do hope you’re not comparing me to a Warg ship. Because, I assure you, I am nothing like them.” Thranduil swerved closer to the star, sending a several Wargs who had followed him too closely to their deaths as they too fell prey to the star’s pull. He, of course, had not such problem, and hummed his engines smugly. 

At least until he felt the way Legolas’s hands had frozen on the controls. 

_Elbereth, damn it all._ He gave control back to Legolas, but it was too late.

“You did that.” Legolas stared blankly, shocked. “How? Ships don’t- They can’t-!” Legolas cut himself off as the Warg ships figured out that while they couldn’t follow them closer to the star, they could at least still shoot at him and reflexively moved the controls to send Thranduil away from the blasts. He seemed relieved when the controls responded promptly, easily moving Thranduil to safety. 

True, most ships couldn’t. But then, most ships didn’t house the fëa of a dead elf, either. He couldn’t tell Legolas that though. Not yet. Not till he was sure Legolas was too attached to leave. Not until he was sure Legolas would accept the bond. “My previous pilot updated my protocols to act as a co-pilot when needed.” Flimsy, but hopefully it would suffice. 

“A co-pilot,” Legolas repeated blankly as he dodged around round of fire.

“You asked if we could go closer,” Thranduil pointed out, trying to sound like a helpful Courier ship. _I should have picked something smarter to portray. Like a Scout ship. Or a long range explorer class ship._

“Right… so you move us closer. Of course,” His pilot said incredulously, “A self-piloting Courier ship. What other upgrades did your previous pilot give you?” You know, to help with all your _courier_ duties.

“Query: Is this really the most opportune time to be having this conversation? We are still being shot at after all.” As if to emphasize his point, another round of fire cut dangerously close to Thranduil as Legolas, in his distraction, didn’t dodge quite soon enough. 

The elf swore again, yanking the controls abruptly to the side and sending Thranduil lurching toward the sun like a drunken bird. 

“Do keep in mind that when I said we could go quite a bit closer _to_ the star, I didn’t mean _inside_ the star,” Thranduil said with dry irritation as his controls were, once again, sore from the rough handling. 

“Sorry-sorry!” He apologized distractedly, but his hands gentled on the controls immediately, feather light as he swerved them both away from another volley of fire. “I don’t suppose any of your upgrades included self-repairing weapons did they?”

“Sadly not, weapon targeting systems are still down.” Thranduil engines thrummed disgruntledly before he could quiet them. 

To his surprise, Legolas seemed to correctly interpret the engine noise, as he distractedly said while sending Thranduil diving down out of the way of a Warg ship trying to suicide run into his hull, “Not your fault, the Wargs used the same trick we used to hide from our sensors.” 

He should have known better though. Thranduil knew Wargs after all, he’d been dealing with variations of them for millennia upon millennia, after all. He should have been able to predict their attack. If only he hadn’t been so distracted.

“Can you fly completely by yourself, or do you still need a pilot at the controls?” Legolas asked and barely waited for Thranduil’s baffled affirmation to leap out of the pilot’s seat. The elf raced toward his aft cannon, the one that could be manually operated by a physical person. “Don’t let us die!” He yelled over shoulder.

Thranduil barely swerved out of the way of the next round of fire from in his shock at being, once again, in control of the ship. Legolas had just - he’d just - Thranduil hadn’t expected anything of the sort to happen until much later. Perhaps not until Legolas found out that Thranduil was a fëa-ship, until they’d been established as a partnership rather than just a pilot and vehicle. 

He was reading too much into this, Legolas probably just viewed it as a helpful quirk in a dangerous situation. Legolas still thinks he stole Thranduil, after all. Certainly views Thranduil as his ship, as a possession rather than a slightly differently shaped elf. 

Even knowing this, Thranduil couldn’t help but feel a rush of possessive affection for his elf as he dodged another torpedo coming toward him and saw the first Warg explode to Legolas’s excellent shot.

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone is wondering, when Thranduil isn't disguised, I picture him looking like the Whitestar from Babylon 5.


End file.
